he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You've changed since you got that strap on
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
