david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
