So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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