He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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