this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
