never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
