yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
