well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it hurts more in the daytime
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
