Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
