Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize