Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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