I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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