i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
