She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
