did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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