i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
