I can tuck mytits in my pants
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
