i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
