the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
