and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize