He asked to "fluff my boner.."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
