One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
