At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
