i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize