don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
