so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize