just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
