i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
