It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
