I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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