You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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