Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are we still banned from the library?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
