gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
