Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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