I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
