HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
