she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear god my vagina.
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