i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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