....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
