i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
