so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
