walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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