Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
