you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
