The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
