Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
