3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
