The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
