I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
