is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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