Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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