True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like eating out sand paper
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
