For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize