Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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