I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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