you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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