Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
