It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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