i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize