You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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