my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
