Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
