My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
