she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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