Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i've created a new STD.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
