The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
