you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
