Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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