You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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