If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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